The Frogurt Is Also Cursed

A Nice Way to Start the Weekend

Everyone, say hello to Ami, one of the most stunning specimens I've ever seen.

For more pics, scoot over to here, and here.

Via our old pals at Fleshbot.

8:37 PM

Tell Us Something We Don't Know

John F-ing Kerry is a two faced, say-anything, transparent, hypocrite.

More breaking news, ...water is wet.

Today's WaPo story about Kerry raising serious campaign cash from the very companies and "special interests" he decries has some very interesting parts.

Kerry has come under attack from President Bush, as well as some Democrats, for criticizing laws he voted for and lambasting special interests after accepting more money from paid lobbyists than any other senator over the past 15 years. Some Democrats worry that Kerry is leaving himself open to similar attacks on the latest issue.

And

On Monday, Kerry was asked why two of his biggest fundraisers were involved with "Benedict Arnold" companies. "If they have done that, it's not to my knowledge and I would oppose it," Kerry told a New York television station. "I think it's wrong to do [it] solely to avoid taxes."

Then he sought to clarify his position: "What I've said is not that people don't have the right to go overseas and form a company if they want to avoid the tax. ...

Two positions in two sentences, classic.

David Roux, who has raised more than $250,000 for Kerry since 2002, is co-founder of a California company that helped purchase Seagate Technology Inc. four years ago and incorporated it in the Cayman Islands, one of the world's best-known tax havens. Roux described himself in an interview last fall as the "anchor tenant in John Kerry's fundraising mall."

...

Roux said he does not consider Seagate or himself a "Benedict Arnold." That term, Roux said, "is, like many things in politics, a label that [is] meant to cover a lot of sins."

9:48 AM

New Polls

Andrew points to a new poll that shows a majority of people oppose the constitutional amendment. And where is the opposition the strongest? In the areas of the country that Bush needs to win in order to win another 4 years.

AND

He points to a story that shows Republican leaders on the Hill backing away from supporting the amendment. Let's hope they do.

3:19 PM

Humor

LT. Smash brings humor to the situation:

Julia Henshaw, an elementary school teacher from Sausalito, says that her six-year-old marriage to her husband Hank has changed dramatically over the past two weeks. “Our relationship was going wonderfully. Hank took me out for a fancy dinner on Valentine’s Day, then surprised me with tickets to the Opera!” Julia recalls, smiling at the memory. “Now he just stays out all night prowling the streets of San Francisco with his friends. One of my girlfriends says she spotted them going into a nudie show in the Mission District.”

“I blame the gays – if they hadn’t gone and undermined the institution of marriage, Hank wouldn’t be doing this,” Julia concludes.

1:07 PM

Today

Well, there is only one thing anyone is talking about today. It's Bush supporting the ban on gay marriage.

The news is reverberating through the blogosphere with a very negative vibe. Everyone's attention is now on Andrew Sullivan, the gay conservative writer who is the unofficial King of Bloggers. He's posting emails from readers with all different points of view.

Roger Simon and the smartest comments section in blogland is weighing in here.

Bush and the conservatives have made a mistake here.

1. It is true that liberal activist judges are forcing his hand and flouting the law, but he could have let the courts settle that issue and stepped in at a later date. He did this because the evangelical wing of the party is really hot that he hasn't done more about this. He's taken a bold step, but the backlash will be stronger than he realizes.
2. He has just made enemies of all homosexuals in the US. For the rest of their lives they will hate the Republican party and work against it. Not only that, but their friends and families will do the same.
3. Gay acceptance is growing, and in the future it will grow even further, making this decision look even worse as each year goes by.
4. Support for the ban on gay marriage is a mile wide but only an inch deep. Those who support gay marriage will be far more energized over this than the passive majority that seeks to ban it.
5. Even though both Democrat candidates are against gay marriage, they will now distinguish themselves from Bush by softening on the issue, leaving Bush all alone to support this amendment.
6. The amendment will not pass anyway, and will be a large defeat for the president.
7. The most important voting block, Independents, are in favor of gay marriage. Their support for Bush is now bound to evaporate.

I can still vote for him because I believe he is the only good candidate, but I cannot support him on this issue at all.

Work against it, I must. I will not have much opportunity to work against it, however, as our Governor does not favor the constitutional amendment and will veto Wisconsin's vote on it. (If he can, not sure on that)

11:36 AM

Hmmm

You're The Sound and the Fury!

by William Faulkner

Strong-willed but deeply confused, you are trying to come to grips
with a major crisis in your life. You can see many different perspectives on the issue,
but you're mostly overwhelmed with despair at what you've lost. People often have a hard
time understanding you, but they have some vague sense that you must be brilliant
anyway. Ultimately, you signify nothing.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

8:21 AM

ZING!

Bush:

"The other party's nomination battle is still playing out. The candidates are an interesting group with diverse opinions," Bush said. "They're for tax cuts and against them. They're for NAFTA and against NAFTA. They're for the Patriot Act and against the Patriot Act. They're in favor of liberating Iraq, and opposed to it. And that's just one senator from Massachusetts." His supportive audience erupted in laughter and applause.

6:57 PM

It's the Asbestos

I was in middle school during the early 80's asbestos scare. The small Catholic school I attended was a pre-war building that was expanded some time after 1945.

Pipes and heating ducts were visible in most rooms. They were insulated and wrapped and painted bright colors to try and make an ugly thing looks pleasing. I suppose I was in either 6th or 7th grade. The insulated pipe in question was near the wall of windows that looked out on Lincoln Avenue in West Allis.

I was taking or returning a book from the bookshelf near the windows when my classmate Nick started to poke his pen into the pipe insulation. Apparently someone had earlier punctured the outerwrapping with something small and sharp, and now Nick was enlarging the whole.

Each time he poked the hole small white flakes came out and floated weightless in the air. It was kinda neat, so he kept doing it, making a joke that it was asbestos.

He even got the attention of the teacher (whose name I cannot remember. Nice lady. Tall, thin, emotional, ...a believer in colorful spiritual auras that a friend of hers could actually see). The teacher saw this and a look of concern came over her face. She sent Nick and I to our seats and I remember thinking it had better not be asbestos because I was breathing it in.

She sent for the janitor/caretaker. He came by looking VERY annoyed.

"Don't play with that," he muttered. The look on his face seemed to say ...a little asbestos never killed anyone danggumit! Now stop playing with it or I will get in serious trouble for knowing that it is there and doing nothing about it!

It was clear by his behavior that it was indeed asbestos and that he had known about it.

Sometime after that (could have been a month or a year, I don't know), our school had some asbestos test and I guess they were going to remove the asbestos they found.

The reason I mention this is that I've spent the weekend removing two layers of linoleum tile from my bathroom floor, pretty sure that at least one of the layers has asbestos.

The top layer appeared to have no insulation, just some paper backing and contact cement underneath. Also, neither layer was actually tile, it was linoleum sheeting. The bottom layer is the real bastard. Very strong and thick tile with a paper and tar backing.

3:43 PM

Today's Fortune

"Love is around the corner."

That's nice.

11:28 AM

I kinda knew this already ...

Taking the US Dialect test, I'm 36% (Yankee). A definitive Yankee.

Looking at the questions, I realize how much my dialect has changed over my life. My vocabulary and pronunciation has become less "midwestern" and folksy for some reason. While I used to pronounce caramel as "car-mel", I now say "care-a-mel". I used to call a crawfish a "cray-fish", but now I say "craw-fish".

There are many others. Take the test, it's fun.

7:45 AM

Ohhh Sweet Jeebus ...

Glad to see Conrad is back up to his usual high standards. What a nice way to start the weekend.

8:46 PM

What an Idiot

In today's column Eugene Kane gloats like a beer-brashed jock whose team just won a ball game.

He's gloating because David Clarke lost out in the mayoral primary on Tuesday. He's gloating at Charlie Sykes because Charlie supported Clarke.

Well nyahh nyahh nyahh to you too!

In his pointless column he tries to imply that Sykes predicted a Clarke win, which I'm not sure he ever did, but who cares? Sometimes your guy loses, sometimes he wins.

Then Kane goes on to make fun of Sykes by claiming that talk radio has no impact on the community and is not a relevant voice.

Please.

If it was so irrelevant, why does Kane even feel the need to write anything about them?

He then throws in a cheap shot about Sykes predicting that WMDs would be found, implying that conservatives have no answer for that.

As I've shown before, Kane doesn't appear to pay much attention to news or non-liberal opinion. If he did, he'd first realize that WMDs were just one of many reasons Bush laid out for the war. The place where Bush "made the case" for the war was the 2002 SOTU address. He could easily look it up, if he cared about the truth, which he doesn't.

On top of that, conservatives DO have several answers for the WMD flap:
1. Saddam DID have the weapons. The only question is where were they on the eve of the war.
2. Were they buried? Destroyed? Shipped to Syria? Any of these are possibilities.
3. If it turns out that Saddam did destroy all the weapons like he said he did, then we were all wrong, including almost all Democrats, the CIA, the Brits, Tony Blair, the UN, and every intelligence agency in the free world. Everyone believed they were there because Saddam acted like they were there. He's used them before and there was no reason to believe that he wouldn't use them again.
4. And finally, acting against Saddam was the right thing to do and we as conservatives aren't ashamed or non-committal about it now. We removed a brutal dictator, liberated 26 million people, and established a peaceful democracy oasis in the middle of a largely fascist, racist, extremist, and violent region. To act as we did believing the weapons were there was the right thing to do. Looking the other way as we believed he was building these weapons would have been the wrong thing to do, ...unforgivable, actually.
5. And finally (again), we did find reams of evidence that Saddam planned to restart his programs someday. Had we followed Kane's (and the left's) position on the war before it started, we'd have backed off, sent in the inspectors until they found nothing, then lifted sanctions and given Saddam a clean bill of health, ...Saddam would have started up his programs on the very next day, endangering the region and the world. But you never see Kane defending the inevitable outcomes of his opinions.

4:09 PM

Pratt Just Lost My Vote

Pratt not only defended his idiotic idea to require new business development in the empty Park East area to pay a LIVING WAGE to all employees and require housing development to provide a certain percentage of low income and mid-income housing, ...but he said it should be a CITY-WIDE plan.

Let me be clear. I would NEVER live in a housing development that included low income housing. If I wanted to live in a poor neighborhood with poor people, I already have plenty of opportunities to do so.

Pratt the mayor would KILL this city.

Barrett's response was non-committal, of course, but he did say that he only supports SOME of the planks in the Park East plan. Giving a certain percentage of the construction to minority owned businesses (fine), giving the titles/leases to Milwaukee owned businesses (fine), and emerging businesses (fine). But he also added the wages thing, but he called it sustainable wages.

Charlie didn't ask Barrett to elaborate or speak directly to the housing issue, which is too bad. Maybe I'll ask Barrett myself.

Barrett also said he supports "choice" in schools, but I suspect he only support "public school choice". However, he did say he didn't support the unlimited expansion of private choice, implying that he supported the status quo, which is better than nothing.

I don't really believe him on this issue because he is bought and paid for by the teachers union.

Pratt isn't coming off well. Barrett would be a better salesman for the city. Based on 2/3rds of their first debate, I'm leaving towards Barrett.

Just shoot me now.

9:50 AM

It's Official

Our new mayor is guaranteed to suck. The two empty suits that won the primary are only different in color and style.

As for me, I've voting for Pratt because he will be the easiest to remove when he screws everything up like we all know he will. He's an intellectual and leadership lightweight. He can't make a decision and is tied too heavily to the old boys network that has corrupted the city and county government for years.

He will screw up, and that will give us another opportunity to remove him. If Barret gets in, he'll probably be there until he dies or the city is dissolved, whichever happens first. Your guess is as good as mine.

What a depressing choice.

7:50 AM

The Sleazy Democrat "AWOL" Attack Falls Apart

John Kerry and Terry McAuliffe went digging for dirt and suggesting Bush was AWOL while in the National Guard during the Vietnam war.

Despite the fact that this story has been brought up and debunked time and time again, the press gave it a new life by printing Kerry's and McAuliffe's completely unsubstantiated charges.

So, the Bush administration released receipts and records from the time to prove he was paid for the time he served. Actual documented proof, ...but it wasn't good enough for the Democrats. They wanted a real live person to come out and say they remember Bush serving there. No doubt if Bush produced a person who saw him, the Democrats would ask for the documents.

Well, it doesn't matter really because now Bush has both. An old National Guard buddy has turned up vouching for Bush being there and studying hard at the time.

Now that we've given the Democrats all they'ved asked for, how many of us think they will cease the "AWOL" talk?

2:16 PM

Kane Chat

Eugene Kane participated in an online chat yesterday that was fairly interesting.

Comments/questions were of 3 types:
1. Supportive fan with a non-question.
2. Person who wants to be seen by Kane as a "good person", asking non-questions to set him up for an easy affirmative comment.
3. Idiot reader who actually makes worse points than Kane does.

Here are the parts that interested me:

Q: Al of Shorewood - I know you've said in past posts that you don't bash or blame white people, yet how come race always plays a card in your colum, from Slavery, to income disparity, to health problems, to education disparities. As a leader in the black community and (as far as I know) upstanding citizen, wouldn't you like to set an example that you must look within for "salvation" and that how you try to live matters to the greater community?

A: Eugene Kane - Al I think it's unrealistic to say to blacks "Solve your problems by yourself" Because: Blacks don't own schools. they don't own the businesses. They don't run government. They don't impose taxes they don't make laws or arrest people or fight crime. Get my point? Whenever people say "It's a black problem" I answer: Then why don't we just separate into a different country? Because unless we do that, it's not just a "black problem"

Well, first of all the questioner did not say blacks should solve the problems by themselves. Secondly, he makes an amazingly ignorant statement following that. He suggests that blacks don't own schools or businesses, don't run government, don't impose taxes, make laws, arrest people or fight crime. What world is he living on??? Blacks do ALL of these things! This might be the dumbest thing he ever said, ...and that's saying a lot!

Q: dave of pell lake - millions blacks died on passage i dont think so more lies from kane

A: Eugene Kane - Dave Go to the history books. Or, get down to the America's Black Holocaust Museuem and get yourself educated

Actually, it's been pretty convincingly proven that some of the numbers thrown around about how many died en route to the US is drastically, ridiculously over stated. Quite simply, if the slave traders threw millions of blacks overboard, they never would have made any money and the slave trade would never have existed. No one throws their cargo overboard by the millions! Also, those numbers do not jive with population estimates for western Africa at the time. Kane is the one who needs some education.

Q: David Pearson of Milwaukee - I'm curious as to why you continuosly bash Bush, when Clinton made the same assumptions about WMDs when he was in office. Doesn't that make you a hypocrit?

A: Eugene Kane - David Thanks for the question, because like I tell folks all the time, it's a simple answer. CLINTON had the same bad intelligence BUSH had, but CLINTON didn't start World War III over it against the wishes of the UN. BUSH did. Hope that clears it up for you.

Clinton DID attack Iraq numerous times. Clinton did kill innocent people in those attacks. Furthermore, Kane always states that Bush lied or misled this country to go to war. Wasn't Clinton (and every other democrat and republican congressman or senator) also misleading the country? And finally, ...everyone believed the WMDs were there. Given that, Clinton decided to sit on his hands and do nothing about it. Bush decided to disarm the lunatic Saddam. In my view, this makes Bush look much much much much much much better. He made the RIGHT decision based on the evidence he had. Aside #1 Kane was against the war even when he believed WMDs existed in Iraq. Aside #2 I don't recall Kane flipping his top whenever Clinton bombed Iraq.

Q: Norma Jean Fernhaber of Wauwatosa - Why do so many people still support Bush?

A: Eugene Kane - Because BUSH has scared the pants of some folks, making them believe that there's nothing in the world except evil and he's the only one who can save us. Also, he manipulates information about terror alerts, Sept. 11, Al-Queda (spelling?) and just about everything concerning the war on terror. No wonder so many support him, he's got them convinced there's a connection between Sept. 11 and the war in Iraq. I'm not even talking about WMD yet.

This is so stupid. Bush has never said there is nothing in the world but evil. That doesn't even make sense. He's never acted like a saviour either. WHEN has Bush manipulated the terror alerts? Let's see some proof. Well, of course he has no proof, but let's see something. Tell me what terror alert was fraudulant and why? Also, Bush has never tried to convince people that Iraq had anything to do with 9/11. However, the Iraq war DID happen because of 9/11. Sorry to tell you Eugene, but the world changed on that day. We could no longer afford to twiddle our thumbs while that maniac had or was developing WMDs. We couldn't let that happen, because we knew that one day he, or Al Queada, would use it against us, as was proven on 9/11. Not real hard to follow, is it?

And finally ...
Q: mark belling of milwaukee - why dont you like me

A: Eugene Kane - Your hair doesn't do it for me.

11:06 AM

My Prediction on the Kerry/Intern Thing

Unlike most analysis that I've read, I do not think Kerry will try to cover this up. If he does, he really is an idiot and deserves to lose.

Now, I don't know what the specific details are, of course, almost no one does know. But if this affair happened 4 or more years ago, he should just come out and fess up.

If the affair is/was ongoing until very recently, then that's a different story.

People can forgive a man who made a mistake or two. But they have a harder time forgiving a man who doesn't stop making those mistakes, harming his family in the process.

My prediction is that they will claim (possibly truthfully) that it was an old affair, it's over, he made a mistake, his wife knows about it, and he wants everyone to respect their privacy on the subject. If he does this, and it seems he is telling the truth, then I don't think it hurts him enough to not nominate him.

He's sacrificed too much, including his integrity (what there is of it), his beliefs (if he really has any), and a lot of his money (paramount) to be president. He's not going to go down over an intern. I think he's smart enough to know he can get away with it if he's honest. And if he does get away with it, he can thank Clinton for softening us all up.

UPDATE: Looks like I'm too late. Kerry was on Imus this morning and denied it. Said he's not gonna talk about it. Very dismissive.

Like Imus said, if he lied, he's done.

6:46 AM

Hilarious

A Simpson's Mr. Sparkle t-shirt.

A must buy.

12:30 PM

Shit!

Looks like Pacific Assualt is delayed until late 2004 with an earliest possilbe release date of July.

However, while looking up info on this I stumbled onto another game by the creators of MOH and Call of Duty, ...Men of Valor: Vietnam. Looks good so far. The biggest drawback is that it is also not scheduled to come out until Q4 2004.

Good thing Pandora Tomorrow is still slated for March.

9:22 AM

Hard Off

Well, I guess it's better than "Hard-On", ...no, wait ...

10:26 PM

Pics from the East

Ikebukuro night scene and the Yushukan gate



The Torii gate at Yushukan and the silohuette of Masujiro



Even the Japanese love the World's Naughtiest Dog

10:21 PM

The Last Hours

We grabbed a few snacks at the Tokyo station and hopped aboard the Narita express.

I felt a bit guilty because I was feeling really cross with her. I tried not to let on, but I think she sensed it. I was just very tired and she had chosen the wrong line for us to stand in. Then she moved us somewhere else, and then somewhere else. I just wanted to sit. Worst of all, she finally took us to the correct line and it was the line I originally wanted to go to, but I said nothing because I figured she knew what she was doing.

We had two reserve seats on the Narita express, so we sat down, held hands, and watched the small towns pass by our window. She rested her head against my shoulder and we each tried desperately to think about something else. Saying goodbye the last time I left Japan was torture. She was still in the hospital, we didn't know if our baby would survive (although the prognosis was generally positive), we hadn't been able to spend much time together as she was bedridden in the hospital. I had visited her every day for as long as the visiting hours would allow, but it wasn't the same.

This time everything was ok, she was with me everyday and we spent all our time together, but it went by so fast.

We got to the airport, checked in, got my boarding pass, and sat down in a faux Itallian cafe for some food. We talked about what it would be like when she left for the US. Her mother and father do not speak to one another. When she left for the UK years ago, they both drove with her and her sister to the airport. She said it was most uncomfortable and she hoped her trip to the US would not have the same stress.

We also talked about how we would only be apart about 2 months, which is about how long we were apart the last time. It seemed like I had been to Japan very recently, so this time would go by very fast as well. I told her not to worry, we'd be together in a short time, and then we'd be together for good.

No more long distance, no more long goodbyes. Just us and the world's naughtiest dog (WND) until the baby arrives. Then, it's on to the domestic future-building and the daily challenges of parenthood.

"Just think about the future," I told her. "And these two months will be gone before we know it."

We ate some pasta and headed for the security check-point. She held back her tears as long as she could while we embraced. The hardest part was saying the word "goodbye". I could say everything else, but choked on that word everytime. I eventually got it out, gave her one last kiss, and reluctantly trudged to the security line. It took me a few minutes to regain my composure, but as I left the checkpoint and headed downstairs to the customs area, I could see her through the glass wall that separates the waiting area from the security area.

She had walked right up to wall to see me one last time. My emotions came back as I waved to her. She followed me along the wall to area where the escalator took me out of sight. We each gave one last look and one last wave, and we disappeared from each other's sight.

Now I was telling myself not to worry, ...the two months will pass by quickly. In minutes I was on the plane, in hours I was asleep over the pacific. 11 hours later I landed at O'Hare and walked out into the frozen midwest air, eager to see my dog, and once again wondering why I chose to live in such a cold place.

With the names of the Tokyo train stations still fresh in my memory and the weight of my luggage still hurting my back, I laid down in my cold room and attempted to contemplate my new direction in life, but I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I've got two months to think about it. Check that, ...I've got the rest of my life to contemplate it.

2:46 AM

Basho

If you are a decent, literate human, you obviously love Basho, one of the greatest poets who ever lived. In the area of Tokyo where his adult home once stood, there is a Basho museum that is heavily under advertised.

If you are traveling to Japan, absolutely love Basho, already know a great deal about him, and have a Japanese interpreter, by all means stop by for a few minutes. Otherwise, skip it. It's hard for something that literally only cost about $1 (100 yen) to be a waste, but this was close. A major disappointment.

The museum, what there was of it, is apparently run by the local city ward, which explains the shittiness of it. It contained no original Basho works. The only authentic thing in the whole museum was the stone frog he much loved. I spent over 30 minutes there, but that was too much. Simply not much to see or do, but it's nice to say I went. You can collect a few stamps to prove you were there and spend a minute admiring the nice garden they have, ...but don't expect much else.

The worst thing about the museum is the location. We had to take the train and subway to get there, and the nearest station is a few blocks away. The station itself must be underground about 3 stories, because you have to walk up a tremendous amount of stairs just to reach the surface. Also, I was carrying extra bags with me because I had to catch a plane later. To make matters worse, I could not get a seat on the train, so I spent about 3 hours standing and walking while overloaded with bags.

My shoulders and back and calves were burning, and the stairs and long subway tunnels just kept coming.

We only had about an hour and a half left to visit the electronics district to pick up something neat for my dad. We had to switch trains, walk for blocks, and get on a new train just to get to the district. Then we had to walk around carrying all my bags. By the time we finished shopping, I could barely even stand.

Our day was coming to an end, we were rushing to get from place to place, our nerves were frayed because the wife did not like my selection of places to visit on my last day, and my whole body hurt from walking. On top of all this, ...I knew I just had a few hours left with her.

1:34 AM

The Embassy in Japan

Our big day was Wednesday. There are two steps to getting the a visa for her, and this day we set out to accomplish step one.

As we approached the embassy, we realized that a small group of protesters were gathered across the street. There were 3 protesters in all, two old Japanese hens and one greasy European that appeared to be around 37 years old. He had a slightly Arabic accent, I'd guess he was half French, half middle eastern.

They held signs that did not make a lot of sense, but I gathered that this was a Palestinian centered protest. The embassy opens for visa seekers at 2pm, which coincides with the ending of their lunch hour. It seemed the male protestor, obviously the organizer, was waiting for the lunch crowd to gather. Once he took to the megaphone, I started to understand what he was all about.

This was an anti-Jew protest. Over and over again he repeated "Eighty ...Seven ...Billion ...Dollars!", the alleged amount the US had given to Israel over the years. His main points seemed to be:

The Jews control the US
The Jews need the US money to continue crushing the Palestinians
The US is a hypocritical nation because if they really cared about human rights, they would stop the Jewish slaughter of the Palestinian people
The American people are stupid and ignorant because they do not know that the US government is supporting Israel.
The American people are stupid and ignorant because they do not realize we are making enemies around the world.
The stupid American people should be afraid because the US government is making Arab nations unhappy.
The ignorant American people are never told about the plight of the Palestinians.
The Jews are aggressors and murderers, killing children (apparently for fun)

I really wanted to walk over there and beat the grease out of his hair with that megaphone. I also wanted to say something, but he had a megaphone and I did not. Also, we were waiting to get into the embassy and I didn't want to cause any trouble. We need this visa because my baby is due in June and I want to be with my wife when she delivers.

Eventually, one of the others waiting in line yelled "Fuck the Arabs", which really made the protestor mad. He kept saying in a condescending tone that we don't realize how other countries hate us. We should be afraid, blah blah.

He was gone when we got out, but a few points I would have liked to make to him:
The US understand perfectly well that other countries hate us. WE DON'T FUCKING CARE!
The US isn't afraid of other countries, especially Arab countries. The quickest way for an Arab country to be erased from the map is to attack us again.
We know about the plight of the Palestinians. We also know about the plight of the Jews. Until the Palestinians decide to work for peace and agree to live side-by-side with an Israeli state (something they refuse to do), then of course we will support the more peaceful, democratic country that is actually working for a peaceful solution.
Also, Israel could crush the Palestinians once and for all tomorrow if they so decided. They don't need the US for that.

Anyway, the embassy finally let us in and the protestor continued barking about Israel. One thing he said before he left was that we should realize that the terrorists win if we hate one another. The US should not hate the Arabs. We are all brothers. He then went on to mention all those who were our "fellow man", ...mentioning people from a long list of countries. Noticeably absent was "the Jews".

The wife and I were fortunate enough to have the first part of our forms accepted. Now, only one more step to go. We need to gather a new set of forms, correctly fill them out, and have an interview at the embassy. With luck, we will pass this step and she will be with me here in the US by May.

After the embassy, we attempted to visit the Yushukan memorial site and the war museum located on it's grounds. The museum closed minutes before we got there via taxi, so we bummed around the shrine for awhile, taking pictures and breathing in the history. The shrine is located in central Tokyo, adjacent to the Imperial Palace grounds (which I unfortunately did not get to see).

We walked through the Koy fish garden, visited the museum gift shop, passed under the beautiful Torii gates, walked past Budokan where Cheap Trick taped their famous album, and took the train to Ikebukuro to visit the 60 story Sunshine City department store complex.

The streets of Ikebukuro are exactly what you'd expect to see in Tokyo, tall buildings on narrow streets with neon lights reaching the sky. Thousands of people marching about, street vendors, congestion. I loved it.

We needed to eat something, so we went to the floor that housed the restaurants. The wife was sick of traditional Japanese food. She wanted something western. So, we went to Bennihannas. Over in the US, Bennihannas serves Japanese food, but in Japan, it is known for western-style food. We each had an Italian salad with an au gratin, macaroni, cheesy thing that was warm and good.

Tired from our long day, we took a train to Seiyo-Shimbuku so we could catch an express line home. Unfortunately, I experienced some digestinal distress. Nothing major, but it led to me learning a lesson about life in Japan.

At all the train stations and crowded public areas, teenagers had out promotional packets of tissue paper. They are little travel-sized packets with ads printed on the outside. Most people ignore them, so I had been ignoring them too. Now I know they serve a special purpose.

The toilets in the Japanese train stations do not carry toilet paper. Possibly some do, but this one did not. I made do with some moist towelettes in my bag, but it could have been ugly, real ugly.

Lesson learned.

We returned home around 11:30, tired and cold. We were each sad that this was our last night together. I had to be on a plane the next evening at 7:20. Trying not to think about it, we laid down for the last time until she joins me in the US and fell asleep.

1:17 AM

Tuesday

We spent all day Tuesday trying to figure out the visa forms for our trip to the embassy the next day. We planned to spend an hour or two on them, but they literally took us all day. At one point I got so worried that we were proceding incorrectly that I posted some questions to a visa services message board.

Fortunately, we kind of figured it out and felt rather confident that we had proceeded correctly. This day long process also tested our nerves a bit as we almost had a small spat. One of the things I love about her is that she is not obsessed with belittling her man at every opportunity to indicate the superiority of the female. She doesn't have those western hang-ups. She's actually genuinely interested in communicating and solving problems.

This is such a relief. She actually felt guilty for being cross with me, and agreed that she needed to learn more patience with me and I needed to take her suggestions more seriously in the future. We agree on that, talked it through, and made up on the spot. The rest of the day was fantastic, ...no lingering bad feelings, no over reactions, no mental score sheet where our faults and arguments are ranked.

That night we met her mother, step father, and sister's family for dinner at a small restaurant nearby. I don't know the proper name for this type of restaurant, but it's where you go into a small private room with your dinner party and prepare the meal yourself on a hibachi located in the center of the table. The table itself was only about a foot off of the ground, meaning I had to sit Indian-style to eat. Of course, my legs haven't bent that way since I was in grade school, so I had to sit side-saddle instead and shift every 2 minutes.

Her step father told me I have a nose like Mount Fuji, which was a compliment. I have a big nose, even by American standards. So, it is really big to the Japanese, ...but I guess it is not ugly to them. They are curious about it, and apparently think it is a nice, bold feature. The wife has already told me she hopes the baby has my nose, and I've already told that I hope it has hers.

More sukiaki was in store for me, ...more endless glasses of beer, more raw whitefish and tuna. My favorite was a marinated "young yellowtail" served in a small salad. It was just one piece of sashimi under a tuft of green leaves dripping in a gorgeous marinade, ...wow, that was great. They also tossed me heathy portions of scallops, oysters, and shrimp.

The shrimp was huge and unshorn. It still had it's head, eyes, antennae, legs, shell, and innards. The shrimp was just taken whole and boiled or lightly pan fried. It was good, but the shrimp in the US seems a lot juicier to me. The Japanese shrimp I had was bigger, but dryer.

The whole evening seemed to be about her step father. More accurately, it was about her step father honoring me, and by extension, my wife. He requested I make a small speech, which I did, mumbling something about how happy I was to be there and to meet everyone and that I hope we can do this a lot in the future. The wife translated. The mother and sister gave us baby gifts, including Japanese/English books and CDs for the baby, and a Winnie the Pooh play mat. The mother also gave us a huge bouquet of flowers whose color and type were selected to honor our marriage and family.

The step father was still hungry after all that, and insisted we go to another restaurant where we could have Unagi, or eel. I learned not to say "no" to my foreign hosts, so I said agreed. Off to similar restaurant with similar rooms and similar tables. We had grilled Unagi, grilled chicken on skewers and cooked in some sort of vinnegar, and snails.

The snail was the most interesting. I didn't know if I would actually eat it, but I did. It was served in a cup still in the shell. A toothpick was stuck through the foot of the snail, allowing me to pull it out of the shell. Two bites and it was gone. It actually tasted good, ...with the consistancy of chicken, and a taste that is not all that different from chicken, yet different somehow.

I was served a very good beer at this second restaurant. I think it was called Suntory Malt. It was the smoothest beer I've ever had.

Fully stuffed and more than slightly tips, we called it a night. I went to bed first as she went to take a hot bath. I was asleep before she joined me.

1:20 AM

Time After

The procedural nature of the marriage took away much of it's immediate impact. Even after putting on the rings for the first time, the heavy significance of my new path seemed lacking.

That moment came later, as I looked at her and thought of her as my wife for the first time.

In those first moments, two thoughts dominated my mind:

1. The ring bothers me. Not emotionally or symbollically, but it physically bothers me. I'm constantly aware of it, and since I'm the nervous sort, I'm also constantly playing with it. I know for certain that someday I will be playing with it and accidentally drop it, never to find it again.

2. I now have a beautiful, sweet, intelligent partner for life. I have a partner in all things, in all situations, for any and all reasons. To me, the concept of being alone was always a simple two-dimensional concept. You know, you either "have" someone, or you're "alone". I can now understand why I had often felt "alone" even while I was in a relationship.

Being in this relationship with her, making the commitments we have made, has introduced me to a newfound strength. To oversimplify, it's the feeling of strength in numbers. No longer is my life a fight of me against the world. She is now on my side, ...bringing with her all her strengths. She is a second half, an additional part of me. She is so much more than a girlfriend, so much more than partner. There is no word other than "wife" to encapsulate this.

Looking at her this way for the first time, I felt this new strength roll through me. It was a feeling of joy and comfort. A revitalized, optimistic, fearless jolt of happiness. I have always been one who felt comfortable being alone because I felt stronger and safer that way. I don't think that's changed just yet, ...but I suspect that notion will be a thing of the past.

Somehow she eases my anxieties and makes the difficult things in life seem more probable.

This is what I felt in the moments after sliding the ring on her finger. My decision and instincts were validated. I did the right thing at the right time.

No longer a victim of circumstance, ...I am the beneficiary of good fortune.

Today, and for the rest of my days.

4:53 AM

Pre-Marital Blitz

We got married Monday evening about 5pm at the Fussa-shi city hall.

Naturally, the snarky pranksters of fate placed several drop-dead beauties behind the counter to divert me, but I soldiered on.

I had been eshewing thoughts of the imminent nuptials all weekend. As you know, I was initially quite concerned about this, but seeing her and being with her once again cured me of that lapse. I was able to feel certainty behind what I was doing, ...as long as I didn't think about it too much.

Sunday we spent the day horsing around the house, eating, talking, enjoying each other's company. We left at 3:30 to make the hour long drive out to her father's house for dinner with her father and his wife. Joining us were her beautiful sister, her husband, and their cute 1 year old daughter. They threw every kind of food at me that they could. I seriously haven't eaten that much in many years.

Her father likes to drink. He's very open about it and enjoys it, ...so there was an "endless glass of beer" policy all night. For the Japanese, it's a big deal to pour a drink for a friend or relative. I guess it's considered polite and generous. Needless to say, my glass was never empty until we ran out of beer later on.

Here is a short run down of what we had:
sukiaki (contains beef, raw egg, several different variety of mushroom, tons of veggies, glassy noodles made from yams)
raw whitefish
raw tuna
Tako (Octopus) marianted in lime
pickled eggplant
white radish
beef jerky
some fish whose name I don't remember
young yellowtail

The dinner lasted about 6 hours. Although I fought hard against it, I feel asleep on the way home.

On Monday we went to the US Embassy to pick up a form that allows me (a US citizen) to marry in Japan. Afterwards we went to Shinjuku for lunch, eating on the 8th floor in a small restaurant over looking the giant Studio Alta video screen. We did some book shopping, strolled through the brothel district where one of the hottest women I've ever seen was checking me out like I was the last guy on earth.

We took the train back to Haijima and drove to the Fussa-shi city hall.

Apparently no transaction can take place in Japan without 27 minutes of questioning conversation. The process for signing the marriage papers took about a half hour all together. This gave me a lot of time to think, and think I did.

I was nervous. She was talking with the helpful man behind the counter, the hot girls in the office are giggling at me, and I'm just now realizing that THIS IS IT.

I won't be shopping in Santa Monica next year, accidentally bump into Lucy Lui, charm her off her feet and fall madly in love. The chances were against that anyway, but you know what I mean.

I'm signing a lifetime contract here. No more playing around. All those hot girls in the bars and on the streets, ...they might as well not exist to me anymore. And that's going to take some getting used to. For the last, ...oooooh 33 years I've grown quite accustomed to flirting, looking for girls, and generally appreciating the exciting sights, sounds, and smells of the female world.

Now that world will consist of one person and one person only.

The man behind the counter stamped our paper, recorded the data, and handed over our certificate.

Just like that, I'm hitched.

How I would feel about this became quite clear to me within 10 minutes.

more tomorrow ...

7:10 AM

The Ride Home

Despite the fact that she is almost 6 months pregnant, I could not really see it through her long winter jacket. Once I looked a bit closer it was more evident. She is so relieved that I am here with her. Even though she knows we are planning to be together, I'm sure it's a hardship for her to basically handle the entire pregnancy on her own.

We took the Chou line from Tokyo station to Tachikawa where her car was parked. We put my luggage in the trunk and went to pick up our rings (picture forthcoming). They turned out pretty well. I only saw a small grainy picture of the rings before we ordered them, so I thought they came out well. We stopped for a bite to eat at Lumine and proceeded to the hospital to pick up some medicine from her doctor.

Her hospital looks like you'd expect any local memorial hospital to look circa 1957. Quite quaint and simple. While she was getting the meds, her doctor gave her a quick check up. Through the door I could hear the device they use to listen to the baby's heart. I could hear it swishing away from down the hall, ...the first time I'd heard it.

Meds in hand, I finally started to tire after being en route for something like 33 hours. We went home, had a snack, and reacquainted ourselves.

While we layed together on the bed, she told me the baby was moving, but that I would not be able to feel it. She giggled, saying it was cute that baby was scratching around inside. I suddenly realized I was looking at two people, not one. My anxiety eased even more. Being close to them physically, looking at them and hearing them and touching them has brought me a lot closer to the situation. It doesn't feel so unreal. It not longer feels like something that is happening beyond my reach. It suddenly does not feel like an obligation, but a blessing.

I can worry about temper tantrums and dirty diapers later. But for now, it feels like I am transforming along with the baby. Right now it feels like this is a piece of cake.

3:54 PM

Tokyo Station

The Narita express is a reserved seat passenger train that runs you from the airport to Tokyo station and Shinjuku. For a highly used commuter train, it is nearly spotless. Actually, it was cleaner than my house, which isn't saying a lot. The window ledges were free of dust, the floor was unstained and free of debris, and nothing was torn, broken, or missing. Compared to the busses in my city, this place was a rolling palace.

The hour long ride through the Japanese country side is quite pleasant. You roll through small towns, farming communities, and Chiba (the only sizable city between Tokyo and the airport).

My anxiety about the marriage was still paramount in my thoughts. The closer we got to Tokyo station, the more I tried to force myself to think about things. I wanted to know how I would feel when I saw her and how I would handle everything.

As we pulled into the tunnel and slowed to a stop, I could see her on the platform waiting for me.

I grabbed my bags, hopped off the train, and walked towards her.

Walking upstream through the crowded platform, we nearly walked into one another. She carried an unashamed an excited smile and walked directly into my arms. In that one motion, that one moment, my fears just rolled off my jacket like rain. It felt so good to see her, and to remember how soft her skin feels against mine.

It was one of those moments where you realize you had forgotten the obvious. Being away from her so often and for so long has really damaged my view of our relationship. But I realized then and there that the damage was reparable. Easily reparable. And we'd have 5 and a half days to revel in the process.

4:38 PM

On the Ground

My travel itinerary for getting to Tokyo was convoluted to say the least.

Trapped at a conference in San Diego for the week, I departed on the 11pm red-eye to O'Hare. I arrived at 5am, cooled my jets for 6 hours, and hopped aboard another plane for a 13 hour ride to Narita.

My first impressions of Narita are always the same: 1. It takes over 20 freaking minutes for the plane to taxi from the runway to the terminal. I'm not exaggerating. 2. The Narita airport is one of the cleanest buildings I've ever seen. Really. I've seen churches that were dirtier.

If I learned one thing on my last trip to Tokyo, it is that you should not dawdle too much after deplaning. Walk fast or run, because your worries are just beginning. There is one huge, snaking line for immigration. All foreign passengers for all flights coming to Tokyo must go there. It's quite a haul to get there, as well, so walk fast, skip the escalators (run down the stairs), and get to immigration as fast as possible. I figure I passed about 40 people and saved myself 20 minutes in line.

This makes for a smaller crowd at the baggage carousel and a smaller line at customs. In about 20 minutes I was free and clear and boarding the Narita Express to Tokyo station where the fiance was waiting for me.

3:49 PM

On the Plane

I'm at 36,000 feet, about an hour and a half outside of Tokyo. The computerized flight map counts down the hours, miles, and kilometers until I drop into the marriage pre-game show. The long customs and immigration lines, the baggage lines, money exchange, two long train rides, and I'm picking up my wedding band at a jeweler near the Tachikawa station.

In two days I'll slide that ring on my finger and somehow find the will power to convince myself that it will stay there forever. It may. It may not. That's natural. But it HAS TO last because of the coming kid, ...and that feels a bit unnatural to me. Those who know me know that I'm not comfortable letting other forces guide my way in life.

For example, I always need to drive no matter where we go or what we do. I volunteer to drive. When someone breaks up with me I take it poorly because a significant decision about my life was not only made without my input, but directly against my wishes. In those situations, emotion is secondary.

This is no different.

Several hours ago we were over the Yukon. I saw hundreds of miles of white mountains, ...massives waves of whiteness showing no rock, no trees, no water, ...just whiteness as endless as the sky. A few hours later I saw the cracked and massive ice sheet covering the Bering Straight, looking more like a land mass than a thin layer of ice over thousands of miles of arctic water. Right now I see nothing but blanket of clouds rolling under me like of insulation in an attic. Somewhere under there is the Pacific, the ocean of choice for 20th century wars.

The inflight movies offered me a chance to see Matchstick Men, Finding Nemo, and a terrible Japanese movie called Trick. In Matchstick Men we are treated to the twitchy foibles of Roy the con man who has just met his 14 year old daughter for the first time. In fact, he did not even know she existed until 20-30 minutes into the movie. Predictably, this situation stresses him out, but I couldn't help thinking he was getting off easy. Imagine finding out just as suddenly and unexpectedly that you are about to have a son or daughter, ...and you get to finance, care for, mentor, worry after, transport, feed, clean, encourage, and "father" this child for the next 18 years at least (unless a tragedy takes place, in which case, you have just experienced the worst of all possible emotions). So much to look forward to, so much to fear.

This fear changes you, as it probably should. I cannot watch any movie or television show without relating the parent/child relationships to my future. The frightening prospects of fatherhood grow on me all day like a 5 o'clock shadow. It is both endlessly recurring and unavoidable.

This isn't such a suprise, almost every dad goes through this, ...the anxiety, the conflicting emotions, the vague notion of happiness that seems entirely out of place for some reason.

What worries me more is the marriage to be.

Couples fall in love, then begin a relationship that naturally tests their love and either strengthens it or ends it. My fiance and I haven't had this opportunity. Let me lay it on the line. We haven't fallen in love yet.

Yes, we love each other. But, we kinda have to love each other.

This is not to say that the only reason we are in this relationship is because we are forced into it. That's not the case. But the fact that we didn't have the chance to fall more deeply in love BEFORE the pregnancy, leaves me some doubt.

If we weren't expecting, perhaps we'd have grown distant from one another or met someone else. Perhaps we would have failed as a couple, or perhaps we wouldn't have lived up to each other's expectations. Perhaps we'd have fallen in love anyway, but there is always that doubt.

And I can't even say that "time will tell", because the baby changes everything. Maybe our relationship would have worked without the pregnancy, but will fail because of it.

I know it's not worth worrying about, but if I only worried about things that called for it, ...well ...I'd be someone ELSE.

Of course, everything could work out famously. That's a REAL possibility, and not really a long shot. You know what Gene Wilder said in Willy Wonka, ..."You know what happened to the man who got everything he ever wanted, don't you?"

"He lived happily ever after."

3:32 PM