Time After
The procedural nature of the marriage took away much of it's immediate impact. Even after putting on the rings for the first time, the heavy significance of my new path seemed lacking.That moment came later, as I looked at her and thought of her as my wife for the first time.
In those first moments, two thoughts dominated my mind:
1. The ring bothers me. Not emotionally or symbollically, but it physically bothers me. I'm constantly aware of it, and since I'm the nervous sort, I'm also constantly playing with it. I know for certain that someday I will be playing with it and accidentally drop it, never to find it again.
2. I now have a beautiful, sweet, intelligent partner for life. I have a partner in all things, in all situations, for any and all reasons. To me, the concept of being alone was always a simple two-dimensional concept. You know, you either "have" someone, or you're "alone". I can now understand why I had often felt "alone" even while I was in a relationship.
Being in this relationship with her, making the commitments we have made, has introduced me to a newfound strength. To oversimplify, it's the feeling of strength in numbers. No longer is my life a fight of me against the world. She is now on my side, ...bringing with her all her strengths. She is a second half, an additional part of me. She is so much more than a girlfriend, so much more than partner. There is no word other than "wife" to encapsulate this.
Looking at her this way for the first time, I felt this new strength roll through me. It was a feeling of joy and comfort. A revitalized, optimistic, fearless jolt of happiness. I have always been one who felt comfortable being alone because I felt stronger and safer that way. I don't think that's changed just yet, ...but I suspect that notion will be a thing of the past.
Somehow she eases my anxieties and makes the difficult things in life seem more probable.
This is what I felt in the moments after sliding the ring on her finger. My decision and instincts were validated. I did the right thing at the right time.
No longer a victim of circumstance, ...I am the beneficiary of good fortune.
Today, and for the rest of my days.
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