Conversation
"Honey, I want to take a trip to Japan," she said. Ok, no problem. She had wanted to take annual trips to the homeland with toddler and myself in tow, ...but her work and school schedule have made that difficult. We've also accepted the fact that I cannot afford to go with her every time. "I'd like to leave December 19th or 20th and come back on the 2nd."Wait wait wait wait wait, ...what?
"Over Christmas?!?!" I respond.
"Yes."
"No."
That conversation was had a few weeks ago. It ended as quickly as it started, but then today ...
"I'm thinking to take a trip to Japan next month for two weeks."
"In December?"
"No, next month is November."
Well, yes. But tomorrow is also November, but anyway ...
"Ok, when?"
"I'd like to leave November 22nd and come back on the 6th."
Wait wait wait wait wait, ...what?
"Over Thanksgiving?!?!"
"Yes."
"No."
But it didn't end there.
Her position:
Because of a rare break in work duties (boss is going to Paris and closing the clinic for a week), she can get away with a 2 week trip. Any other time of the year, she would only be able to go for one week.
This is important because her family is greatly dispersed as are her friends, and traveling more that 5 miles in Tokyo is equivalent to an all day obstacle course. She needs 14 days to do everything she needs to do.
My Position:
Thanksgiving is an important holiday here in the states and I simply won't let my daughter miss out on the first Thanksgiving she will ever remember. She's 2.5 years old now, and can finally understand things like birthdays, halloween, Christmas, etc.
Also, I'm a softy for the whole X-Mas season. The most depressing time during my two year isolation on the west coast was Thanskgiving because I could never afford to come home if I also wanted to fly home for X-Mas. So, I would whittle away on my heart with a few bottles of wine, a playlist of sad songs, and a homecooked meal for one.
I refuse to go back to THAT place.
Her position:
Her mom hasn't seen our daughter for two years.
My position:
Cut your trip short by just a few days and go AFTER Thanksgiving. You will still have time to do what you need to do (you will never be able to everything you want to do anyway), and we can still have Thanksgiving together.
Her position:
No.
Eventually I managed to slice a couple of days off of her trip. Initially I suggested she leave Monday, then Sunday, then Saturday, ...she finally agreed to leave on Friday, the day after Thanksgiving.
After it was over, I began to wonder if I was wrong to place the importance of a family Thanksgiving over her ability to spend a few extra days exposing our daugher to her home culture (aside from family visits, this is her true unspoken motivation).
My conclusion, ...no, I was not in the wrong.
I'm not stopping her from going there, nor am I categorically stopping her from spending two weeks there. I just don't want our daughter and family to miss out on important American cultural events. Our daughter is growing up here after all, and even if my wife doesn't care about these things, ...I do. And our daughter eventually will.
So, I think she should have been more flexible.
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