Washington Generals File Suit Against Green Bay
Claims Copyright InfringementGreen Bay, WI - Washington Generals owner Bozo McDouche filed suit in federal court today claiming that the Green Bay Packers "blatantly infringed" on their "well established incompetence, buffoonery, and trademark ineptitude" in their Monday night pre-season loss to the Cincinnati Bengals.
The Generals contend that their reputations as the world's most efficient purveyor of disgraceful defense and comically stumblebum offensive misery was "severely damaged" by the Packers on Monday night.
"Not only did they steal our shit," Said McDouche. "They trespassed on the anti-intellectual property rights of a level of incompetence previously only inhabited by make-believe sports franchises."
Some specific points of contention listed in the 76 page brief include:
Quarterback Brett Favre throwing the ball backwards over his shoulder, enabling the Bengals to return it for a touchdown.
Dropping 47 passes, a feat impossible to achieve by accident.
The numerous "tripping over my own feet" gags, a copyrighted act when done in bunches of a dozen or more.
The repeated tipped passes seemingly designed for the opposing player to catch it, another copyrighted act.
Charles Woodson is mentioned 19 times for stealing such routines as "sit n' spin", "which way did he go?", "D'oh!", "D'oh #7", "backwards forwards", "slip n' slide", and "the famous shitstain".
"C'mon man," Said McDouche. "That shit's all ours. Letting the opposing players run you literally in circles, standing flat footed while they skip by into the end zone, crashing into one another as if you are deaf, dumb, and blind, ...it made me sick."
"When I think of all the hard work we put in to achieve this level of shittiness, and to see how blatantly they stole it, ...it makes me wonder what's happening to this world."
Reached by phone while hiding in his locker with failure-in-the-game-of-everything Kurt Schottenheimer, Packer coach Mike McCarthy attributed the similarities to coincidence. "I mean, did it ever occur to you that we might just be that bad?"
Likely to complicate the lawsuit is McDouche's very public and persistent attempts to lure away Packer general manager Ted Thompson for an identical job with the Generals.
"I'm sure this wasn't his doing," McDouche said. "But we like him. He gets what we do. He's our kinda guy."
When asked about the job offer, Thompson offered a smirk and a confusing retort, "When the thing don't fit, the smart farmer steers the popsicle fairly jab crab-apple aerosol."
Legal scholars suggested the Generals have a excellent chance of winning. "Bad is bad," Said Copyright attorney Steve Bisconti. "But no jury is stupid enough to believe that anyone is THAT bad. I mean, did you see that shit last night? Those brothers SUCKED!"
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