Helium and Miracles
For the screech-monkey’s second birthday extravaganza, we ordered a huddle of oversized, Dora-themed balloons.One of the ballons was a mylar cut-out of Dora’s impossibly top-heavy (not in that way, you perv) visage. The gigantic head was about two-and-a-half feet across and served as the main helium vessel for the otherwise thin and limp figure.
In the days and weeks after the party, I became aware that this floating set of staring eyes was stalking me.
Wherever I walked, wherever I sat, the balloon slowly drifted towards me. Staring, always staring.
As the helium slowly abated, the monster fell closer to the ground, which was actually more disturbing because it now appeared to be walking along the carpet.
Well, I did what any father-of- the-year would do. I waited until the young one toddled off to bed, and I stabbed the balloon in the head with a vegetable knife and stuffed it in the garbage.
Problem solved.
…
The past few weeks saw another domestic wonder, this one involving the World’s Naughtiest Dog.
I could go into a long and complicated description of how the leash ring on the WND’s collar became bent, stretched, or weakened but it’s not important. What’s important is that I didn’t know it had been damaged.
I found out about this when I looked out the window last week to check on the WND and saw nothing but an empty leash leading to the edge of the garage on the other side of the yard.
This of course meant that once again, she had escaped.
So, I bolted from the kitchen to back door where I was shocked to see her sitting on the steps by the back door waiting for me!
She had a free passport to a neighborhood of bunnies and squirrels and cats moving cars, and passed it all up.
This isn’t just a big deal, it’s a near miracle!
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