WND Unleashed
As I stepped into my living room yesterday evening after a long day at the sensory deprivation cubicle, I noticed that my wife had a small baggie of ice balanced on her hand.I asked what was wrong, but she lowered her head and didn’t answer.
Now, I know she accidentally burns herself in the kitchen about every 6 hours (or so it seems), so I assumed she had done it again. But when I asked, she silently shook her head “no”.
It was then that I realized that her silence was caused by a small spring stream of tears.
Here’s what happened.
Yesterday evening she went outside to retrieve the mail. On her way back, she attempted to let the World’s Naughtiest Dog (WND) back into house. The WND had been out all afternoon as usual, barking at dogs and squirrels and shadows and the imaginary cat-demons that only exist in her mind, so it was about time to let her inside where she could obsessively pace the carpet for hours looking for crubs my daughter might have dropped.
Normally, we unleash the WND and she trots into the house with look of happy insanity, but yesterday she took off and ran around the corner of the house.
My wife ran after her, yelling her name, but the WND merely looked back at my wife twice before taking off in full-out sprint for the front yard.
Two older hens happened to be walking their 4 pound toy poodle past the house at that moment, so the 70+ pound WND pounced on that poodle like el caballo on an inside fastball.
The two hens started shouting “oh my God! Oh my God!” as the WND growled and snarled and bit into the scruff of the poodle.
My wife grabbed the WND’s collar and pulled her off, but seconds later the WND lunged back at the poodle, who was foolishly barking at the WND, and dragged my 104 pound wife with her.
Her finger was caught in the collar, and she was pulled to the ground and dragged a foot or two as the WND resumed her thrashing of the poodle. (This is how she hurt her finger, and why she was crying.) My wife got to her feet and struggled to gain control of the WND, eventually succeeding.
She apologized to the hens and asked if the poodle was ok, and it appeared to be ok. The hens chastised my wife and continued on their walk.
I’ve noticed that for some reason, the WND has been growling and barking more aggressively at dogs passing by the house. A few times in recent weeks, I’ve had her in the back yard and seen her attempt to run around to the front of the house, but I’ve always been able to call her back. She listens to me, but only pays lip service to commands of others.
It’s funny, this one event has really given me an insight into how the world works, so I will let you in on it.
Apparently, all of the complex functions that drive physical world hinge on me personally being hit up for money like a piñata is hit until it spills it’s payload of candy. No matter the event or situation, it always ends up costing me money.
Nice spring evening + insane dog = upwards of 2000 of my hard-earned clams for a new fence
Makes sense, right?
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