Love and Rockets
As the day of arrival ticks closer, the problems occupying the hamster wheel in the back of my brain are becoming more and more logistical in nature. Fatherhood drifts like a glacier, erasing and replacing everything with a steady, slow-moving mountain of expectations. And it is nothing you can fight, ...the glacier will scour the surface of your life, uprooting sporting events, alcohol tolerance, porn appreciation, live music, and video games. In a few months it will be like the "cool" version of you (and yes, that is on a sliding scale) never existed, having been removed beyond recognition.So, the problems are not "should I do this" or "can I really do this", the problems are "HOW will I do this." There is no uncertainty here, and while that is scary, it is also necessary. There were no uncertainties in my childhood. Dad went to work everyday. Mom went to work when she needed to. Breakfast and lunch and dinner were prompt, as was bedtime, summer vacation, fireworks on the 4th, snowdrifts in January, and apples in the fall. Never did I wonder if we had enough money for food, nor did I wonder what types of choices my parents had to make when buying food, clothes, cars, or toys. I believed things were provided as my parents decided they were needed, and not a second sooner. Never did I think anything had to do with what we could afford.
Now I am seeing the other side. This week my wife gave me permission to buy the video card I wanted, a Sapphire Atlantis ATI 9600 Pro 128mb 8x/4x AGP. Yeah, I know, the 256mb model is not much more expensive, but I don't have a high-end system anymore anyway. I found this card for $94, ...about $15 less than the former lowest price on the net. I had it in my sights, ...but I couldn't pull the trigger because I have to buy baby clothes, baby furniture, a crib mattress, a crib set, a changing table, baby food, food for the wife and I, a car for the wife, gas, electric, cable tv, hospital bills, medicine, paint, a bedroom set, tickets to Tokyo, ...and it goes on and on.
No video card for me until that price falls into the $70s.
But this gives you a good idea how I am attacking the fatherhood thing, ...with purchases. As if I can buy a clip-on tie that will immediately transform me into DAD.
Until I find that tie, I'll need some other kind of help. So, tonight we're off to a Childbirth class at St. Mary's hospital. Two hours tonight, 8 hours tomorrow and we're done.
I'm sure the class will be hilarious, so I'd better leave now or I'll miss it.
BTW - found some nice porn links this week. I'll try to post them later.
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