Most Overlooked Story of the Week
60,000 plus Sports Fans spontaneously Die
Over 60,000 football fans enjoying a Thanksgiving day contest between the Green Bay Packers and the Detroit Lions spontaneously died of asphyxiation Thursday as the Packers sucked so horribly that literally all the oxygen was "sucked out" of the capacity indoor stadium, instantly killing all inside.
"A tragedy for all involved," said a weepy-eyed Matt Millen who was in the parking lot at the time placing 'I Love Millen' bumperstickers on the cars. "I've seen teams suck their own weight in ass before, but this, ...this was unexpected."
Playing one of the shittiest teams in the league, the Packers were heavy favorites in Thursday's contest.
Former Packer GM Ron Wolf thought a confluence of suckitude lead to the deadly combination. "When you out-suck the suckiest team in the league, bad juju is gonna happen. Having both of those teams in the same place at the same time, ...ewwww.
Ford Field officials said they are usually prepared for such occurrences. "For example, when the Bears come to town, we crank up the exhaust at least 150% just to keep the fresh air coming in. We just didn't see this coming."
"I guess you take a bit of a risk coming to see this team," Millen added. "I mean, ...I've not added one descent offensive player in my entire tenure as GM. You've got to take that into consideration before coming out (to the game)."
"What really sucks is that their last moments will have been spent watching Brett Favre throw yet another ball directly to a wide open Detroit defender. What a shitty pass. What a shitty game," Added sports columnist/author Mitch Album. "If they had just played with the competence of a good high school team, ...all this might have been avoided. Man, that game fucking sucked!"
(Ed. note: Yes, it took me a few days to come up with something that was not just a batch log of unhappy obscenities. There aren't enough obscenities to properly convey what a crap-sandwich that game was.)
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