I shouldn't have posted
My evolving feelings about the prospect of having another child are sadly irrelevant now.
My wife and daughter had embarked on their aformentioned trip to the homeland on Friday. They landed early Saturday morning and called me to say that everything was fine. Our daughter slept for only 2 hours of the 13 hour trip, but was well behaved as usual.
The trouble began the very next morning. She called to tell me the news, and I will spare the details, but we were clearly at risk of losing, or having already lost the baby.
For second time in my life, she was at risk of losing our child and I was thousands of miles away with no ability to do anything about it. I could not help her, care for her, or take her to the doctor.
The situation is difficult enough without having to deal with it through a phone line, ...with her going through all of the drama on her own and then reporting back to me.
By that evening she had seen the first of several doctors, and while they could not confirm anything at that time, both her and I were 90% sure we had already lost the baby.
This morning she called and confirmed, "I'm not pregnant anymore."
And so our momentary happiness is shattered, ...along with the plans and expectations we embarked on.
I will not get a chance to see her or hold her or comfort her for another 10 days, and I'm sure that none of the healing will begin until that happens.
And then we will try again.
On the day I spent the lunch hour shopping for HDTVs
It started innocently enough, with my wife searching the kitchen for a missing bag of chips over successive days (I later found them in a high cabinet she could not reach were she standing on the shoulders of a swede).
Then two new bags of chips appeared in the kitchen one afternoon, one of them "Dill Pickle" flavor, I kid you not. Why on earth they make such an abomination, I have no idea. Then, a day later, she broke out into ravenous drooling during an Outback steakhouse commercial featuring a Blooming Onion. That onion was her #1 topic of conversation that evening, ...even in conversations she was apparantly having with herself.
Now I’m not exactly Columbo, but these events were duly gathered and sorted in
mi craneo for future reference.
Then, on the last warm, sunny evening of 2006 she tiredly rolled herself out on the couch in expectant silence.
"So, how was your day?"
"Had a doctor’s appointment," Ok, I had forgotten about her appointment. Recently she’d worried that she was experiencing symptoms of premature menopause and this had generated a few doctor visits. The doctors had told her she had nothing to worry about (as had I), but they ran a test anyway. Results were to be forthcoming, ...so perhaps these were the results.
"What did the doctor say?"
"I’m pregnant," She deadpanned. I glossed over this comment at first, assuming it to be a joke. I said I thought she was going to the doctor for test results, which led her to talk about the test itself, and then to recall our daughter’s cute antics in the examination room.
But of course, her statement was hanging over everything that was spoken in those few minutes (not that I really heard any of it). I tumbled the veracity of her statement around like a lozenge, but I couldn’t decide if it was true or not. Worse yet, I didn’t know how to ask. You see, since our first born, she has wanted/insisted that we have another child, while I’ve always been content and truly happy with our current head count. So, I knew if I asked in a negative fashion there would be no consoling her and no amount of clarification would suffice.
"So, are you really pregnant?"
And she nodded, yes.
While my first conscious thoughts were dominated by the uncertainty this news created, deep in my gut there was a bright, humming ball of restrained happiness that grew as we talked (kind of like the Grinch’s heart, ...in fact,
exactly like that).
Even as I wondered how we would afford it, how we could afford it, and how in the hell I ever will afford this, ...the happiness grew. And inside my own head of worry, I was unable to fight off the notion that I was happy about it. I
was happy about it, ...and that surprised me more than the news itself.
Even as I began to realize that the situation caused by this news was bringing me nothing but worry, nothing could stop the Grinch-like smile from being drawn across my face.
But my feelings would evolve (and continue to) in the following days, ...but more on that later.
Oh, ...and the HDTV plan scheduled for execution in summer '07 went up in smoke as if by the touch of the "Reality Fairy's" wand.
I hate that fairy.
Nice Video
Never has a
video so brilliantly merged three of my favorite interests.
Packers At the Almost-Half-Way Point
5. Saved by the Bell, the TV series
4. Any non-presidential political debate
3. The Customs line at any major airport
2. Easter Sunday with my extended family
1. The 2006 Green Bay Packers
Yes, you guessed it, …a list of the most boring things in the entire world.
A season that had promise to be a stomach-twisting slalom of nail-biting ineptitude, crazy roster decisions, locker room freakouts, and dazzling self-inflicted collapses has turned into a dull, slowly improving yet horribly limited parade.
We can’t get excited about the team’s prospects because they look very dim for the immediate and near future, yet we can’t emotionally profit from the venting that a Denny Green type season would afford us.
So, we watch, they play, and every week I end up with nothing to say.
The only somewhat interesting thought that came into my head while watching David Martin inexplicably perform like a legitimate NFL tight-end was, “Is he in a contract year?”
Answer:
YES.
So, they are in good shape to hit my prediction of 5 wins, they might even pull out one more. But the competition they face from here on out is tougher than the competition they've faced so far.
I think they will beat my prediction and win three more games, losing six more for a pathetic and boring 6-10 record.
Just bad enough to have no hope, just good enough to avoid having to say "They are who we thought they were!"
In other words, ...boring.
