The Frogurt Is Also Cursed

How To Feel Old

It's been twenty years??!?!

What the fuck?!?!?

I couldn't possibly feel any older than I do right now.

8:06 PM

Everyone Loved Lionel Hutz

And everyone misses him.

7:54 PM

Everyone Hates the Sox

Lowest. Ratings. Ever.

But, to talk pure baseball for a minute ...

1. The Sox are a good team that got HOT at the right time.
2. They aren't great. Not this year, not any year.
3. With the Astros showing the offensive punch of a quadruple amputee on valium, the Sox still merely squeaked by on Astro coaching errors, hitting errors, fielding errors, and of course, umpire errors.
4. It was a very poorly played series on both sides.
5. The Astros players choked big time, especially at the plate. They didn't even look like major leaguers, much less a world series team. I could coach a little league team to have more plate discipline than they showed.
6. Garner is as Garner does. Water finds its level. The sun always rises. God, what a fucking moron.

7:33 AM

Too Many Coincidences

Now MLB is stepping into operations of the "juice box" to give the blight sox an advantage.

Did they step in and order the roof open during the divisional or championship series? No.

Then, why now?

And why all the bad calls going the sox way? Not just run-of-the-mill bad calls, but some of the worst calls in MLB post season history.

Could it be because the sox are seen as an "urban" team in a suburban league, and that MLB is desperate to win back urban youth?

This is a disgrace.

A total disgrace.

6:07 PM

To All You Haters

To all you who dissed my sensible and 98% accurate rant against the "blight sox" a few days ago, I submit another sad, typical, and pathetic chapter in their disgraceful story.

It just keeps coming, doesn't it. Go ahead, keep denying it. Look the other way.

"Working class," ...that's an f-ing insult to all working class people everywhere.

11:06 AM

If you're like me ...

you've been DROOLING over the latest Mercury automobile commercials, and not because of their lame-o cars.

It's because of the spokesmodel who's obviously selling her knockout breasts instead of cars, ...and no wonder.

Her name is Jill Wagner.

11:56 PM

Of Things Undeniable

"Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms." - Mark Twain

There is judgement and there is "better judgement".

Never has a concept been more human than that.

There are things we know and things we believe, ...and those things often conflict.

I admit that I believed up until the 3rd quarter today that there was still hope for this season. My better judgement told me otherwise. In fact, all the words I've written in this space have told me otherwise, ...but I am one of the wretched and proud and legion. I am a fan.

A fan looks at a weak division, a resurgent legend refusing to lay down, a scrappy scattering of position players with more heart than talent, and says, ...maybe.

And for thirty minutes, ...maybe was sailing high on lake Minnetonka. Unfortunately, maybe failed to return to port.

And now, the cold cinder of better judgement lays plainly in our lap. The season is over.

And not just "over" in the rhetorical sense that we've all been lamenting. I mean that we are broken in the face of an irreversible fate. No matter what we do from here on out, our fate is sealed.

One by one, the players will begin to realise it. It is only a matter of time until they ask, what are we fighting for? It is only a matter of time before they turn their back on the season and wait out the end.

The season is over.

The only meaningful or practical question at this point is, what happens next year?

Anyone who is concerned about next week is a fool. Unless you are a player, in which case you have a job to do. But that's all it is now. A contractual obligation. It's no longer a crusade.

And there is really no point in talking about next year right now either, ...we've got more than half the season left to ponder the future. But, these things I believe:

Aaron Rodgers is not the answer
Ahman Green is done as a number one back
Brett Favre is not done playing football

And still, I cannot get past what happened on 3rd and 2 on the Packers last possesion of the day.

Favre tries to call a timeout, but the Packers decide not to use a timeout. Why? They rush a play in, the receivers look confused and don't know what the play is. Favre is talking to his offense when the ball comes flying at him unexpectantly. The receivers don't move, Favre catches the unexpected ball and flips it to Fisher, who gains nothing.

A timeout at that spot gives the Packers a chance to convert, and possibly go on to win the game, or at least burn off enough clock to prevent the Vikes from winning in regulation.

While the bulk of the fault does not land on Sherman, ...the failure of that play, the most critical play of the season, does fall on his shoulders.

I always say that a coach's number one job is to put their players in a position that gives them the best chance for success. The easiest way for a coach to fail is to do something that hurts his team's chances.

Sherman did not hurt his team for 59 minutes of a 60 minute game.

But in true Sherman fashion, he cracked yet again when the team needed him the most.

And there's the answer to the first what happens next year question.

Now the second question, ...who to replace him?

10:41 PM

Cold and Dark Weekend

Life is cruel, hilariously cruel.

9:37 AM

Well, who doesn't like rumors?

Pete Carrol monitoring the situation in Green Bay, Minnesota, and New Orleans?

Please, ...no.

9:24 AM

Imagine the Crappiest Thing Possible ...

Well, imagine no more. Simply tune into Fox this weekend and next week to see the historic disgrace first hand.

One on side we have the White Sox. A team that places a black mark on baseball each time it takes the field. The last time they made it to the series they disgraced the sport with scandal. (And no, I don't believe all those conspiracy theories that try to prove that Shoeless was innocent.)

This time around, they got to the series by being the beneficiary of some of the worst officiating blunders in the history of organized sport. To say the ALCS was "suspect" is putting mildly with a side of mild sauce and glass of understatement.

And let's not forget the fans, ...the umpire beating, wife-beater wearing, mullet-having, bail-jumping, low-class hoodlums that pass themselves off as "working class". Here's a line I'd like to see in vegas, ...what number will be higher, the number of runs the sox score or the number of people mugged outside the stadium during the series?

And on the other side we have Phil Garner.

Nuff said.

He sure pulled a Homer this time.

I guess it's better to be an idiot who is blindly lucky than the biggest choker sports history.

10:32 AM

Optimus Won't Die in this One

I pee in my pants with excitement every time I think about the upcoming Transformers movie.

Here's an interview with the writers who are currently working on the screenplay. Not much info, but the project is moving and that is extremely good news.

11:51 AM

Is it about my cube?

Here's another clip, have a good weekend.

8:00 PM

Sacrilege

I still think it is too early to think about a Favreless Pack. I think he's back for at least one more year, especially if the team improves throughout the season.

But, ...there is an interesting prospect that shares some of his traits.

A great college quarterback at an under-the-radar school.
A heisman candidate his senior year until an injury squashed those hopes.
A third round pick.
Sat on the Atlanta bench his rookie year.
Comes in for an injured veteran in his second year and leads the team to victory.

Yes, Matt Schaub.

I don't know how long the Falcons can keep both him and Vick, but what would happen if they let him go the same year Favre decided to close it down?

7:58 AM

Happy Weekend

Have a good weekend and enjoy my favorite Simpson's clip.

Also, this site ought to keep you pervs busy this weekend. 14,000 asian girls in various states of undress and compromising positions.

10:27 PM

Cakes

It's my job to supply a cake for my mother's suprise 59th birthday party on Sunday.

I got the job on Wednesday and planned to call around for prices on Thursday, but I forgot. So, Friday came along and placed a call to a little bakery that I like. It's been voted one of the top 25 bakeries in the US.

"Hello, Simma's."

"Hi, are you still accepting cake orders for this weekend?"

"Yes, what day?"

"Sunday."

"Yes, that's fine."

"Ok, I will come in on my lunch hour and place the order."

"Ok."

I drive over there on my lunch and ask to see the list of cake options. I ask a few questions of the clerk and then tell her I'm ready to place my order.

"Ok, what kind of cake do you want?"

"I'll take the half sheet cake for 30 people."

"Ok, when do you need it?"

"Sunday."

"Oh, we can't accept any orders for this weekend. We ask that you place your order by Wednesday."

"But I called this morning and talked to someone on the phone. They said I could still place an order for this weekend."

"Um, well, we still accept orders for cheesecake, but not regular cakes."

"Well, they didn't say that over the phone."

"Ok, well let me check if we can still do it."

Of course, they cannot. None of the other bakeries I called can do it either. I'm screwed.

Now I have to bake and decorate the cake myself Sunday morning, something I've never done. I can cook, but I have no experience baking or decorating cakes. Wish me luck.

10:17 PM

Someone is Funny

Whoever recut this ad for "The Shining" ought to get a job for the DNC. Frickin' hilarious!

7:31 AM

Pretty Damn Cool

I haven't seen this commercial on TV yet, but it's pretty amazing, and not just because it's about beer.

via lileks

8:25 AM

He's Right

I still think he's a prick, but he's right.

7:07 AM

Joys of Marriage

Sometime near halftime of the Packers latest debacle I heard a running stream of water hitting my kitchen floor.

My wife was filling the bath tub for my daughter at the time, so I yelled to her if the water was overflowing upstairs. It was.

Water was coming out of our kitchen overhead light fixture, and coming out of a crack in the ceiling plaster. And it was coming down in a steady rain.

Near as I can tell, the water pooled on the bathroom floor and spread to the wall vent. The water went under the vent cover and trickled on the outside of the vent ducts. It rained down the ducts to the ceiling of the kitchen and must have pooled on the ceiling plaster.

From there it rolled to the hole in the ceiling where the lighting fixture was, then rolled to the crack in the plaster, and eventually to the kitchen wall. There it rolled in between the walls to the outside of another vent, and finally down to the basement.

To dry out the ceiling fixture I had to rip down the fixture facade. It would take too long to describe the problem, but let's just say that I screwed up a bit and it will require some fixin'.

It took an hour or so for the water to stop dripping, and the whole time I just kept thinking about how much money this will cost me.

The wife felt bad about it, and I was pissed so I'm sure that made her feel worse. But I told her it was ok, it's not really her fault anyway.

Still, it could be worse. It can always get worse. Except for the Packers, ...I'd call this rock bottom. Hey, there's another good nick name for Ted Thompson, Ted "rock bottom" Thompson.

9:43 PM

Questions

Why on earth is Najeh returning kicks? He's slow and about as elusive as an oak tree. He actually seeks contact with the defense, which when you are returning kicks is kinda like a stripper wearing a snow suit (and then not taking it off).

...

Why do the Packers keep running the strech play to the side? You know, the one where they run sideways and backwards for 5 yards, then get tackled? The Packers have tried that stretch running play 10 times this year and have lost a total of 48 yards. Ok, I just made that up, but it's probably not far off. ROSSLEY, STOP RUNNING THAT PLAY!

...

Can we just bench Fergie now? I know none of the receivers are helping out old Brett, but c'mon! Fight for the damn ball! Sheesh.

Losing 23-7.

...

Great, now Murphy is out with a concussion. We're stuck with Fergie now. If we're going to suffer 5 key injuries a game, can we at least get some useless people injured? Why does it always have to be someone who can help?

...

How perfect is it that the guy Sherman passed over in the draft to pick Carrol was the guy who made the clutch play to bat the ball away from Driver on the deciding play of the game?

Perfectly awful.
Perfectly maddening.
Perfectly predictable.

I feel like I am looking at an hour glass that has just about run out of sand.

7:08 PM