A Tense 24 Hours
On Sunday night the Wife called while she was on her way to a bank in Tachikawa (it was Monday morning for her). I could tell right away that something was wrong.The previous night she had started to feel sick. Her stomach felt swollen and "hard", and she felt nauseous. Also, she said the baby was still moving a lot, but moving "differently" than before. She had heard about this happening to other friends of hers and in one case it produced a still-born baby.
I convinced her to see her doctor the next morning, which she did.
The whole day I felt nervous and terrible. Even if everything was ok, her doctor could have told her she needed to remain in the hospital until the birth. This would prevent her from coming to the US anytime soon. Worse yet, what if the baby does not make it?
I began to feel what would likely become an overwhelming sadness. Just the small glimpse of pain that I felt was enough to terrify me. I tried to imagine how we would get through the next few months. Packing up the baby furniture and clothes we had received from friends and family, canceling our plans for a baby shower, ...but the worst part was somehow stopping all the dreams and plans and thoughts that have dominated our minds since the pregnancy was first detected.
I think about the baby almost every moment of every day. A whole new lifetime of worries, laughter, struggles, revelations, and transformations ...suddenly gone. You cannot put the brakes on a train of thought when it is being driven a hard-pounding emotion. An emotion you never knew was inside you, but now know you cannot live without. In that situation, your mind and your heart are your own worst enemies, conspiring against at every turn, ...reminding you that your new car needn't have fasteners for a child seat when there is not child to sit in it, that you don't have to move your wrought iron shelf because now there is no child to tip it over, that your plans for the next 18 years have been cancelled.
So, I waited by the phone last night, expecting her to call around 10pm. 10:15, no call. 10:30, no call. 11:00, no call.
I fell asleep and she woke me with a call at 12:30.
The baby's fine. She just needs to rest more and take it easy. She's been over worked the past few weeks and it's starting to show.
The only problem is that she has a lot more packing to do and only one more day to do it. Then, finally, she'll be able to rest.
And so will I.
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