Bad Boys
So, my buddy IMs me a few minutes ago ...One of the great things about IM is that people write the way they talk. With email, even the laziest slacker attempts to use a basic letter format. IM is different because you are not writing a letter, you are having a conversation. So, like the rocker child of the 80's that he is, he writes: dude check this out
Apparently he was on his way home from mowing his mother's lawn (yes, 80's rocker child is a good boy) when he stops at the intersection of 78th and Beecher, deep in the heart of West Allis. Folks from the area know West Allis as a mythical, post-industrial/suburban cluster of empty factories, houses, and alleys where headbangers still smoke on the street corner in tight black jeans, wrestling shoes, a biker jacket (in 80 degree weather), and long, flat hair. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea. Now, it is mostly a middle to low-middle income suburb of Milwaukee. It has spawned derisive nick names like Stallis, WestAllica (think Metallica), ...those are the only ones I can think of now. But just say West Allis to someone from Milwaukee and they will probably smile (especially if you tell them you are from there, which I am).
So, he is at a stop sign at the intersection. Across from him is a police officer. Both are waiting to cross. They both do. The police car then makes a u-turn, hits the lights, and pulls him over. It's a sunny, lazy day today, so my friend assumes the cop is bored and wants to give him a warning for not having a license plate on the front of his car. Well, the cop comes over, gets his license, and asks him where he is going and where he came from. The 80's rocker child tells him, ...mom's house, cut lawn, now home (about 1.5 miles away).
The cop is suspicious because 78th is a side street. 76th street, just 2 blocks away, is a big thoroughfare. The cop then says that he received a complaint about a guy matching my friend's description. I'm sure the description was something like this "Man, 20-30 years old, blonde, medium length hair, black car." You've just described 4/5ths of Wisconsin.
Then the cop says, "I'm going to ask you a blunt question." Ok. Pause for suspense.
"Have you been masturbating?"
"Ummmm. Not today." Says the 80's rocker child smartass.
"Have you!?! That's what the complaint said."
Just then, another cop pulls up in a separate car followed by a 50+ white trash women in a pickup truck. They all huddle and the 80's rocker child clearly hears the woman say "brown hair". 80's rocker child is baywatch blonde.
Well, the cop keeps him there as they continue talking. Time passes, still talking. 80's rocker child leans out the window "Since I don't have brown hair, can I go now? I have places to go."
"Just be patient." More time passes. Finally the cop arrives, asks for his phone number, suggests that the reason he was kept so long is that he was "acting nervous."
"Yeah, being pulled over by a cop makes me nervous." he says.
He's off to file a complaint.
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