A new hope
"What's that religion, ...you know, ...the one with all the well-meaning things that don't work out in real life, ...oh yeah, Christianity!" - HomerWe've all heard anecdotes that go something like this "So, I asked my friend how he got so many girls to go out with him and he said, 'I ask them.'"
I think we all know that this does not work for everybody. Especially me, ...but I have to grudgingly admit that this philosophy worked for me at a time. When I was younger (oh boy, here we go) I had no problem meeting women. I was kind of shameless about it. I'd even hit on escorted women as soon as their boyfriends turned their backs (suckers). Of course, I got shot down a lot, but nothing too messy. The worst was making eye contact with a cute blonde in a light-blue halter top and seeing her face snap into an expression of revulsion as if she had just realized her half-eaten sandwich contained live fire ants feasting on sopping wet, black banana peels. Picking up two girls in one night was not unheard of and usually just required the requisite effort.
So, what happened? Currently I'm at a 12 month dating slump. Yep. 12 months, no females. This is mostly self-imposed as this past summer I became the object of a lot of attention. I chalk that up to the fact that trends finally caught up with me. The emorocker look (messy, dark hair, tight black t-shirt, baggy jeans) hit full force in my hometown in 7/02 and I was a good year ahead of the curve. Well, 12 months ago I met someone who shocked my mind and heart into some kind of altered state and I've not been able to get past it. I think I'm ready now. Which brings me back to the anecdote.
I recently (today) read a similar anecdote that contained a small detail left out by others. I found it on my new favorite blog the Gweilo Diaries, you can read the post here. As Conrad relates, "...the key to doing this successfully was not caring very much whether any particular girl said yes or no. ...A rejection didn't change who he was, hurt his feelings or bruise his ego, he didn't personalize it -- he just repeated the process with the next girl who caught his interest. No clammy hands, no fumbling for words -- effectively, 'you wanna? No? Next.'" I think this hits the mark. Somewhere along the line I started caring. I started putting self-worth and pride on the line. ...why? Well, I haven't figured that out yet. Perhaps it is as simple as "fear itself".For me, I think it is fear of failure more than rejection. I'm not blessed with a silver tongue or quick wit. I'm rather awkward and introspective. Certainly not a talker. Us "boring" people don't enjoy beating someone into a deep slumber with a pillowcase full of our fumbled conversation skills, ...so we simply opt out of the conversation. Alcohol can help fix this for me, ...but then I'm libel to say something I'll regret. Which is worse?
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